So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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