Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
