Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
