I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
