well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
