Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
