dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
