And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
