Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Randomize
