i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
