what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
