look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
