she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
