I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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