"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
