so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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