thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
