and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
