Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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