I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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