k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
