where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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