Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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