PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
