Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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