Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
