ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
