I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
