3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
