i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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