He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
