yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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