I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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