Me too!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
