I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
