i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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