6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
