I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
