I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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