You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
