The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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