grandma shit on top of the toilet
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
