My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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