so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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