I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hippo gnu deer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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