I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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