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Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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