There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
