So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
