Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
