Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
