I just threw up on my dentist
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
