Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
smell my finger.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
