Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
there is glitter all over my balls
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
