Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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