you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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