So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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