We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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