I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
