People with herpes should wear stickers.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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