Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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