I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
