Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
