So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
