with your own penis?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
