That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
