He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
