TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
