new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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