just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
