I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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