look no pants
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment