So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think my mom watched the whole time
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.