uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now