"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."