Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
