I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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