Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize