i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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