What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
