I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
