Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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