Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize