im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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