so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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Found your dick twin last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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