walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
40s are totally the cure
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
