So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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