dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
